the world is a garden, dig it.

Lame title for a blog.
Who cares, no one reads anyways.
I’ve been in GA for like 4 months now and just to let ya know, things are good.

But here is what has been bugging me lately.
I’ve been wanting to travel the world. So I joined an au pair website, that way I would have a place to live ,  if I was ever lucky enought to be selected by a family.
I really want to learn how to cook Italian food, in Italy.
I really want to move to Hawaii where a good friend of mine live, and this is a very large possibility at this moment.
 I also want to be a beach bum somewhere in California.
With these places , hopes and dreams rolling around in my head; I just want to scream. I want to run out of the office that I work at and hop on a plane!

I’ve certainly learned a few things about myself in the past few months.
1) I get really lonely sometimes, there fore I lock myself up with music and hide.
2) I still have amazing friends that love me for my imperfections.
3) I’m way less crazy than I thought, the whole world is crazy.
4) I do not want a relationship, because no one can hold me down.
5) I am more determined than I thought.
6) My original goals in moving to GA have completely flipped around.
7) I’m a gypsy soul at heart.

 

I miss my family so bad. My brother graduated from the army. I’ve broken up with 2 boys that I’ve never dated.
My job is stressful and I’m tired.

I have so many things that I want to write a lot of the time. But usually I’m too lazy to start.

becareful what you wish for, you just might get it all…



What do you do when someone falls in love with you, and you don’t want to stop it?

You feel that they like you; they tell you that they do, and you can’t help but think about their smile throughout the day. They have the same sense of humor as you, they like a lot of the same things you do. They love their family, they work hard, and they’re respectful and fun. They like talking to you as much as you like talking to them.

You slowly realize that you’re hooked; you’re addicted to how they make you feel. The happiness rolls over you like a wave in the warm summer ocean. This person comes out of no where. The person compares their life to you and says things like “until you happened”. The person tells you that they’d rather be stuck talking to you over being stuck doing anything else. The feelings blind side you, and come along when you thought you didn’t want anyone, when you never expected to have a person in your life that wonderful.

The butterflies are inevitable. The feelings are mutual. Normally this would progress into dinner dates, and a few cuddle sessions on the couch with movies. Then soon they ask you to be in a relationship with them. It becomes Facebook official, because in this day and age, it’s not official until its “Facebook official”. Family dinners would start every so often, meeting “the boys”, going out together, Wal-Mart trips, weekend spend the night a thons.

Now that last paragraph would be under normal circumstances, when you live relatively close to each other. When it would actually be a high possibility to fall in love with them too. When it would be okay, and actually magical to be with them.

The kicker is, one person in the equation is leaving. Moving over 900 miles away, to a place that makes them happy.

Now let me ask you the question again, what do you do when you feel someone is falling in love with you, and you don’t want to stop it?

your like paradise, and I need a vacation

You know that feeling when the sun is out, you’re having a good hair day and nothing seems to be going wrong? I’m having that type of day today. Yes, my hair looks good, and out of the front office window the sun is shining! There is a great song on the radio, and the bank isn’t too busy.
I’m moving to Georgia, again, and I finally shipped some of my things off today. I’ve been procrastinating this for about 5 weeks now. I didn’t send a whole lot of stuff, but what I did send, were the things I dreaded sending most. Picture frames are packed in with t-shirts, and iron candle sticks, Depression glass and other random valuables. I figured packing with t-shirts and things I don’t wear in the frigid New York weather was the way to go. Killing two birds with one stone, I’m a thinker.

On top of that good news, I completed my last drinker driver class last night. Yes, I failed to mention that my dumb-ass went to jail. I got arrested on July 4^th, for making one of the dumbest mistakes of my life. So, that’s another perk!

The next great thing is, my amazing friend in Georgia has sent my resume to a few reputable offices, so hopefully one of those will work out. I applied for a Wal-Mart card and got approved. As silly as it is, I refuse to have a major credit card, but with a Wal- Mart card I figure I can get the things I need when I move, or groceries. My step family is coming up and we’re having a Christmas shin dig this weekend so that will be fun to do. Sadly my step- brother will not be coming back from VA to visit.

I’ve recently became really close with two amazing people, and I hope that they stick around to keep an amazing friend ship that lasts a long time. I consistently keep a smile on my face since they graciously walked into my life.

Also, in March, I am supposed to go to Orlando with a few friends from Georgia. Hopefully I will be able to go with a possible job, or with no money. Oh! And I 90% completed my E-File for my New York taxes.

            With all of that fun, random stuff said. If things make me feel this happy, I’m wondering what news will come crashing down on me.

I’m moving back to Georgia!
This weekend I’m going to the city for New Years.

I couldn’t be happier.

..but you’ll always be my hero

SOMETHING ABOUT YOU SHOWED ME THAT I DON’T HAVE TO SHUT LOVE OUT. THAT ME BEING ALONE ISN’T WHAT I WANTED AND I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THAT. YOU’RE NOT WHO I EXPECTED. YOU’RE NOT WHAT I THOUGHT I WANTED. AND SOMEDAYS I DON’T WNY YOU. BUT I CAN’T HELP BUT REMEMBER ALL OF OUOR PHONE CONVERSATIONS AND THEN ALL OF THE SIMPLE, HAPPY TIMES WE SPENT TOGETHER & MAYBE THAT’S WHY I CAN’T LET YOU GO 100%. I DWELL ON THINGS. I ALWAYS HAVE. I DWELL, HOLD GRUDGES & I DEWELL ON THE GOOD TIMES WHEN I SHOULDN’T. I HAVE DONE THE SAME THING THE ENITRE YEAR IT TOOK ME TO GET OVER JASON. I LOVED HIM ALMOST 7 YEARS OF MY LIFE & YOU CAN MAKE THAT PART OF MY LIFE DISSAPPEAR,LIKE A DISTANT MEMORY. I LOVED THE IDEA OF US HAVING A HOUSE TOGETHER, AND GETTING A PUPPY. I STILL SOMETIMES WISH THAT COULD BE TRUE. BUT I KNOW ITS NOT EASY FOR ME TO GIVE 2^ND CHANCES. SO I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY I AM TELLING YOU THIS. I KNOW THAT YOU DON’T LOVE ME THE SAME. THAT’S ANOTHER REASON WHY I THINK I CAN’T LET IT GO. BECAUSE YOUR SO GOOD AT ACTING LIKE YOU DON’T WANT ME. I KNOW THAT WE’RE BOTH STUBBORN, AND NEITHER OF US WANT TO BACK DOWN AND ADMIT THAT SOME PART OF US STILL LOVES EACHOTHER. THAT’S FUNNY BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS SAID YOU ARE AN OVERLY EMOTIONAL PERSON. BUT WHEN IT COMES TO ME, YOU HARDLY SHOWED THAT. WHICH MAKES ME SAD BECAUSE WHILE I BELIEVE THA IM A HARDASS AND DON’T LIKE SHOWING WHAT I FEEL. AT THE SAME TIME IN THESE TYPES OF SITUATIONS I THINK THAT HONEST EMOTIONS ARE THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE IT THROUGH.